Ett hinder i livets älv

Sedan ett par veckor jobbar jag hemma. För att bidra till minskad smittspridning ska den som kan på regionen  inte vara på plats utan utföra sitt arbete hemifrån. Trots att det varit på gång ett tag och trots att jag tränade en del på det i våras så vände de tydliga direktiven upp och ner på min jobbtillvaro. Det kändes som om någon släppt ner en stor sten i min vardagsbäck. Den första dagen var nog så okej. Det här blir väl ingen match. Kan vara att det likt som för bäcken dröjer en stund innan den upptäcker att något har hänt och att den inte kan ta sig fram på samma vägar som tidigare. Redan dag två började frågorna hopa sig.

De första var av fysisk karaktär – Var i huset ska jag vara? Vilken belysning ska jag ha? På vilken stol ska jag sitta? Sådan saker som jag inte behöver fundera över när jag är på mitt jobb där svaren redan finns på plats.  Nästa våg av frågor var mer psykologiska som ”Kan inte sonen hålla sig hemifrån när jag ska hålla i stora möten för det känns så fånigt att ”sitta där och prata för sig själv”?” Hur mycket av mitt privatliv visas vid alla dessa skypetillfällen? (De som skypar med mig får i bakgrunden se min stora kollektion av örhängen och eftersom jag slutligen landade på ”kontoret” även en gul 90-talstapet med elefantbård). Efter en dryg veckas hemarbete började mina funderingar mer dra åt det existentiella hållet ”Visst kan man ha möte på Skype, men möts vi verkligen när jag inte kan se den jag pratar med ordentligt i ögonen” och ”Hur mycket av den dynamiska grupprocessen och det gemensamma skapandet försvinner när vi inte i ett samtal kan avbryta varandra, flika in något eller bara nicka uppmuntrande utan att inleda med ”NN här”?

Men så här inne på tredje veckan hemma kan jag bara konstatera att precis som bäcken i skogen som fått ett nedblåst träd i sitt flöde har jag efter den första känslan av att livet har blivit uppdämt hittat nya vägar för min arbetsdag. Numera stiger jag upp på morgonen, gör mig i ordning och går till mitt jobb en trappa ned. Mina skärmar från jobbet är hemma och installerade på ett väl tilltaget skrivbord. Sedan länge har jag slutat bry mig om vad människor ser av min hemmiljö, sonen kommer och går och vet att när jag pratar högt och tydligt för mig själv så ska han inte störa, men jag saknar fortfarande väldigt mycket de verkliga mötena med mina arbetskamrater, att bara få stöta ihop med någon jag inte sett på ett tag, slänga käft med Johan i rummet mitt emot eller kika ned i lunchgrannens matlåda och undra vad som äts idag.

I dessa dagar är det extra viktigt för mig att komma ut i naturen och bli marinerad av intryck och syre. Helgens vandring gick söder om Kisa mellan Smedstorps dubbelgård och Håredal. Blåsten ven om öronen men som många gånger förr så konstaterade vi att det är rätt skönt att bli alldeles urblåst. Ytterligare nio kilometer av östgötaleden tillryggalagda!

…till Håredal vid Sommens strand.
Smedstorps gårdskatt

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